2015’s Most Ridiculous Star Wars Products
by Tahlia Merrill Kirk
Listen, I love Star Wars as much as the next fan (Exhibit A: I had the Lego Millennium Falcon on my wedding registry). This year leading up to the new movie has been full of excitement for me. It’s both wonderful and unsettling to walk into any store in America, whether a WalMart or a Macys, and see little Yodas and Chewies peaking out at me from every corner. I’m even pleased to see that Claire’s Boutique has a line of merch (albeit super-kitschy) available (http://www.claires.com/us/categories/style/brands-characters-star-wars/list).
However, there must be a limit. A line must be drawn. There must be a location where the buck stops. This is my list. I challenge you to find more ridiculous items and share them with us.
- Hot Topic’s R2-D2 Slipper Boots (aka: Uggs): http://www.hottopic.com/product/star-wars-r2-d2-slipper-boots/10431824.html#start=6
Someone needs to invent a word for products with themes that don’t match–maybe “anathematic” (like anachronistic). This would be a perfect example. Chewbacca Uggs I would have understood because of the fur thing, but these are both unthematic and look pretty dorky.
- Millennium Falcon Cutting Board: (http://tinyurl.com/o4jt54g).
As much as I usually love Star Wars cooking items (heck, I totally own a Vader ice cube tray), I just don’t see the point of this. Plus, it looks really flimsy and cheaply made, which the reviews seem to confirm. If you really have to have a SW cutting board, at least buy a quality one like this (http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/ilrv/?i=front)
- R2-D2 Pizza Cutter (with sound effects, of course): http://www.amazon.com/Star-Wars-Pizza-Cutter-Effects/dp/B00864CHW6/ref=sr_1_8?tag=georiot-grd-20&ascsubtag=hawk-773923308-20
You know, I’ve seen some pretty awesome SW pizza cutters with lightsaber handles. But this cutesy plastic device looks like someone glued a sharp metal wheel on a Wii remote.
- Star Wars the Force Awakens 6-in-1 Game Collection (http://tinyurl.com/gle6mmx)
On the surface, there’s nothing particularly ridiculous about this item. There’s nothing new about taking old games like Monopoly or chess and slapping every theme imaginable on them. This takes that concept to a whole new level. A level full of facepalming and groaning. One reviewer helpfully listed all the “games” included in this set:
- Cardboard dominos.
- Match Pairs.
- Spin the wheel get points.
- Throw dice get points.
- Blow a paper cutout of a spaceship across the table to see who wins.
- Oxygenics R2-D2 Shower Head (http://tinyurl.com/oqyzkwc)
There’s a lot of goofy Star Wars decor out there, but this one takes the cake for pure WTF-ery. In case you’re wondering, there’s a Vader shower head too, and it’s marginally less silly looking.
- Modcloth’s Empire Struts Back booties (http://www.modcloth.com/shop/shoes-boots/the-empire-struts-back-bootie)
Hey, I’ll give ‘em props for the perfectly executed pun, but not only are these shoes crazy looking, at $422, they’re outrageously priced!
- ThinkGeek’s Skywalker Lightsaber Lace Up heels vs Modcloth’s Duel of the Feets booties: (http://www.modcloth.com/shop/shoes-boots/duel-of-the-feets-bootie)
Yes, yes, more shoes, but just look at them–how could I have NOT put them on this list???? Funny that not one, but TWO vendors thought to made really ugly shoes with lightsaber heels. But just watch the videos–both pairs light up and make sounds…wait, is that a plus?